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[User Deleted]

Hi everyone! I have a situation I’d like for the members here to consider:

 

I’ve known this Cancer man since 2005, we met in the military, and while we didn’t date, we were really good friends. After a number of years without talking, we reconnected in December 2011, and up until September 3rd, we were never apart. I was living on the West Coast at the time and he was on the East Coast, but after months of discussion and one weekend visit, I moved in with him in April.  He told me how much he loved me, and was telling all of his friends and family that I was going to be his wife. We had our normal couple disagreements, but we also talked it over and everything was ok. Or so I thought.

On September 3rd, I found multiple texts messages to three other women that were extremely sexual in nature. Woman #1 is an ex of his, who he claims cheated, but remained friends with her anyway. She knew we were “engaged.” Woman #2 is an former schoolteacher of his 4-year old(who is married with children herself) and while he had a fling with her, they were never serious. Woman #3 is a much old lady who he used to live with and recently helped her move to Georgia. With all three of the women, my now ex-“fiance” went out of his way and made conscious decisions to either not tell these women about our relationship, or made it seem like our relationship was not as serious as it was. Woman #1 was make sexual advances towards him and he was entertaining the behavior. She also sent him naked photos of herself. Woman #2, they were reminscing about a prior encounter and he asked her on Aug 1st “so when are we going to see each other?” Woman #3 decided to confess her “undying love” for him and how she wanted to rip his clothes off. This was the only message that he responded negatively too. He claimed he never dated Woman #3, but the message I found on his Facebook, in which she said “Happy 2nd anniversary” says he did date her.

I of course, confronted him. He apolgized, and is STILL apologizing for the text messages, so vehemently denied he ever cheated. His excuse was that it was just “bullshit talk” and that these women meant nothing to him, and he was just trying to be a good friend because these women always contact him and complain about their life and relationship problems. He said because of the history he has with these women, it was easy for him to get caught up with the inappropriate texting, and didn’t think anything was wrong because he never planned on seeing or meeting up with these women. BUT the text message to Woman#2 says different. Here’s another kicker: a random text message to Woman #1, she says something(I dont recall her exact message), and he replies “I can’t right now because (Insert my name here) is sitting right here.” That message in and of itself, he KNEW he was doing something wrong, otherwise he wouldn’t have had to say that. Also in another text to the same woman, she makes a sexual request/advance, and then states “how rude of me” and states the fact about his relationship status. He responsed “none of that matters.”

The Cancer man definitely has an issue and I am not sure what it is because I frankly do not believe anything he’s ever said to me. He has family issues(father abused and cheated on his mother, also abused him and his sisters), he claims he was cheated on by the mother of his 4-year-old son(which right now, I seriously doubt). And the three Women all have issues on their own: Woman#1 is just a ghetto hoodrat, who dropped out of HS because she got pregnant. Woman #2 is a still married teacher going through a divorce(her husband wont sign the papers) and has children of her own. Woman #3 is just a sad older woman with drug addicted kids still living under her roof. I am the COMPLETE opposite of all of these women: no children, no past relationship issues, good job, in college, car, I dress nice, etc…howeve being that I’m a Scorp, I can be brash and brutally honest when I need to be, and this Cancer male has been on the receiving end of it, especially now that I discovered his nonesense. Ever since, he’s been crying, throwing up, not eating, the works. He doesn’t want me to go, he says I’m the only woman for him, and keeps apologizing. He even suggested counseling(we are going tomorrow), and he says he really wants to work this out, and will to anything to regain my trust.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love him, but I am beyond angry. While I don’t have any proof that he had sexual relations with anyone else since we’ve been together, i strongly believe he did. I have screenshots of the texts, the FB messages, and even the gross naked picture. The evidence is too overwhelming. I do not consider us a couple at this point, mainly because he cannot give me a reason why he did this, and why he went such lengths to hide and/or conceal our “engagement” with these women. And that’s the thing, it was only these three women(that I know about, who knows what else may have happened that I dont have any proof of)…with everyone else, he is very vocal about me, and I hear from mutual friends all the time “he would not stop talking about you before you moved here.”

I picked up my whole life for him, and he did this. We have a couples counseling appointment tomorrow, but I was hoping to get some insight beforehand. Thank you in advance.

[User Deleted]

Also, I left out the dates of these messages. There were phone calls and texts made between late July and mid-August. This is also the time that I was having OB/GYN issues(had an abnormal PAP, and was directed to avoid intercourse while they did all this testing)…which really makes the whole situation worse.

[arpit123]

You deserve a better person. It is as simple as that.

But you need to know what qualities to look for in a person. And for that you need to be in this relationship for some more time and face it to learn your lessons.

Once you learn the lesson, it will never be repeated!

To cope with stress and sadness please try out a few things on our Solutions page.

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