Relationships and Finances – Love vs Money

“As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

They say money is vital for a good life and therefore further for a successful relationship. The money matters and the financial implications on a romantic relationship or marriage has been concisely pondered upon in the previous articles. Here is to a complete analysis of money with respect to its impact on relationships.

 Role Of Money In Relationships

Friction is a part of every marriage or committed relationship. But an increase in the rough patches results in break ups. Let us analyse the role of money in any romantic relationship-

• Conversations related to money can be very critical when done with your partner. But it is important too. These conversations generally relate to the budget specific talks and the savings being planned for the future.
• Sometimes single earner in the family isn’t really enough and thus it becomes a need for the other partner to get into the working mode as well. This can also be termed as a team work.
• Arguments over money is normal in any relationship. Sometimes one partner can dislike the expenditure styles of the other and such disagreements can result in arguments.
• In extreme situations of financial dominance or control of one partner over another can result in divorce.
• A sudden degradation in financial status results sometimes in broken relationships due to a partner abandoning the other. This is suggestive of a materialistic relationship.

How Does Money Affect A Relationship

Even though the romantics would assert that love cannot be compared with money and that money can’t buy love, but post commitment situations usually take a rapid turn. Let us see how does money affects a committed relationship:

• Financial hardships are a part of the road to commitment. Even the best of the financially established families come across financial distress at some stage of life. Some couples face the destitute scenario together whereas some become victim to arguments and dissatisfaction arising out of it. A dissatisfaction from financial state can make your partner hostile, disinterested in you and even uncommunicative. And in a long run continuity of such feelings can lead to downfall in the personal relationship with your spouse.
• In every two people in commitment one is strict towards expenditures while the other is slightly lenient. The stricter ones might always judge every buy of his/her partner. In the same way all the expenditures are not legible, some do tend to fall in the category of spendthrift. These two widely varied differences amongst a couple can lead to frequent hurtful remarks as well as increased arguments further leading to break ups or disagreements.
• Communication regarding the financial subjects still remains to be a restrained ones amongst many couples. Either due to a fear of being shunned or argued upon, such a communication takes a back seat in many relationships. Eg: Your spouse asking about your calls mentioned in the phone bills or he/she eyeing your shopping bags etc. It should not be forgotten that money is not just a financial topic but an affair that carries with it the emotional connection too. This can be overcome by serious conversation between the two people in the relationship regarding the expenditures and all the frequent arguments can lead to emotional distress and upheavals.
• Sharing is another essential aspect of the financial sphere of a relationship. It is always advisable to share the income with the spouse and split the expenses as well if both the partners are working or earning. This can be achieved by various strategies such as opening a joint account which can be accessible to both the partners. But this can also become a huge reason of conflict as well. Eg: Where a wife might be planning to get a modular kitchen from the joint account savings, her husband might land up buying some expensive gadget and this might result in a huge discord.
• Ever wondered how the respective financial backgrounds of a couple might affect the personal relationship? Well, especially in the love marriages, these aspects might be wilfully ignored in the beginning but create enormous amount of trouble later. Eg: you might be from a financially well established family, but your spouse might not be. This might at some stage become a part of your confrontation towards him/her during certain arguments accompanied by depressing remarks and thus personal distances affecting the overall relationship.
• It has been seen that among a couple, if a husband earns lesser than his wife then this results in ego clashes which happen more than frequently. Whereas this might not be the case if a wife earns lesser than the husband. But such ego centric arguments and discords can be truly hazardous to any relationship.

Strategies To Improve Relationship With Money

Where on one hand money can be the spoil sport in relationships, a proper understanding about the ways to handle it can be tremendously helpful in improving the relationships as well. To widen and refurbish your personal perspective about money and expenditure when in a committed relationship is very important. Let’s contemplate various ways to do so:

• What is it that encourages you to spend money or what is it that demotivates you from spending money? Try to think over this. Are you being too finicky about either of these aspects? Is your reaction or doings with respect to these affecting your partner or your relationship with him/her? If your better half seems to be frequently irritated at this then it might be the time for some habit variations in you!
• It is a normal assumption in our society that more the money, more is the happiness. But actually speaking, money doesn’t really rule the happiness in a relationship. It is like looking for the fulfilment of happiness in the materialistic goods which will be there but would always be short lived.
• Sometimes, you might find yourself perfect at handling the money and expenditures. But may be to others you fall in one of the following categories:

1. A Spendthrift
2. A miser

Well, it is important to watch your expenditures if you have been spending a lot. To start with it is always wise to list down your financial priorities and your partner’s financial priorities separately followed by a discussion over those together so as to list out the ones worth prioritising.

Strategies Worth Adopting

Money and the practices associated with it can yield positivity for the relationship provided you implement the following strategies in your daily activities involving your finances:

• What you feel about your financial state reflects the level of your positive approach towards yourself and your family. Refrain from speaking negatively about your financial stature. This is to indicate those who mostly declare themselves financially broke. No one is ever broke with regards to finances, there is always some way out there to earn your livelihood.
• If you think your partner spends more than what should be spent, then avoid nagging him/her frequently. Rather discuss the issue in a polite manner and try to emphasise on the negative aspects associated with over spending or unthoughtful spending of money. You can consider bringing up the subject of required savings or pending loans etc. to make your discussion productive and result oriented.
• If you think your spouse doesn’t earn and merely spends your earnings, avoid any negative or degrading remarks. These can be hurtful and can result in emotionally downtrodden state of tour spouse further advance towards disputes and squabbles affecting your relationship with your partner.
• And finally the most important strategy, buy time for togetherness with money. Spend money to enjoy moments of closeness and affection with your spouse. Eg: That gadget or that Louis Vuitton bag might be a lot alluring and irresistible but what is worth lending a thought to here is whether or not these are your current requirements! What about spending that money on a quick weekend trip to a nearby destination and enjoy the exclusive intimacy with each other. This would be buying moments of happiness with money instead of buying arguments and discords with money!

Money is no doubt an important thing in life as it is useful in making life but it is definitely not all that is required. If money or an over prioritising of it starts affecting the personal relationships then it should be thought over again.